The Scholar: Aster Carlstrom

The Project: I Was the Canvas You Refused to Hang: An Epistolary Exploration of Love and Queerness

The Essential Question: This project is an epistolary narrative that follows the evolving relationship between two queer men, Dorian and Luca, from 1975 to 1989, against the backdrop of historical events such as the Castro Sweep and the AIDS crisis. Through letters, the work explores the emotional and political weight of queer love, the devastation of queer hate, and the slow, painful overcoming of internalized homophobia. It asks: What does it mean to preserve love, identity, and selfhood in a world that tries to erase you? Blending archival history with fiction, the story becomes both elegy and resistance—charting the ways queer people survive, create, and reach for each other even in the face of immense loss.

Surprising Discovery: I was surprised by how naturally the story found its voice through just one character. At first, I planned to include letters from both Dorian and Luca, but as I kept writing, I realized that hearing only from Dorian made the story more intimate and emotionally powerful. What surprised me most was how clearly Luca’s presence still came through, even though we never heard directly from him. It showed me that sometimes, what’s left unsaid can be just as meaningful.

Biggest Challenge: One of the hardest parts was writing character growth across large time gaps. Since the letters jump forward across years, I had to show how Dorian had changed—emotionally, intellectually, politically—without the reader seeing every moment. It was a challenge to make his voice feel both consistent and transformed, to give the sense that time had passed and shaped him.

Tips for future scholars: Choose something you genuinely care about. That kind of investment will carry you through the harder, slower parts of the process and help you stay connected to your work. When you love what you’re exploring, it becomes less about “getting it done” and more about discovering something meaningful, both in the story and in yourself.